Thursday, October 22, 2009

All you can eat diaries #2: A minor complaint

You know what I really love? All you can eat buffets. I love all kinds of them. Indian, Asian, or whatever I love them. I've been to great ones in Vegas and hole in the walls in the Bay Area. I thoroughly enjoyed the hotel buffets that I ate at in Mexico. Love them, love them, love them.

You know what I could do without at buffets though? If you thought, "Other people", that's a good answer, because other people do impede my gluttony. However, I can tolerate other people, heck, at Sweet Tomatoes a lot of the time other people take mostly the broth from the chicken noodle soup, leaving me the chunks of chicken.

I hate young children at buffets. I don't hate just Asian children, although they are the most prevalent ones at the buffets I go to. I hate all young children regardless of sex, size, or race. Here are a list of complaints I have compiled as to why I hate them:

1. They run around everywhere
Young children under let's say 10 or 11 should not be allowed to get their own food at a buffet. They run around everywhere and are a hazard to my enjoyment. Apparently children these age don't think there are people above those legs they run into and around. At a recent outing to a buffet, I was getting a plate of food and a young boy was running around with a cup of soda. Seeing the kid running in my general direction, I stopped so he could get a clear path. HE RAN INTO MY LEG AND SPILLED HIS SODA. There was a large and clear path in front of him and instead he ran straight into my leg. Incidents like these I'm sure are not uncommon for employees at buffets.

2. They're shorter than the sneeze guards
This doesn't really need an explanation. It's a fact that sneeze guards were made for people of a certain height. Small kids though, defy this and are able to get their germs under the sneeze guards. I cringe every time I see a kid sneeze because I know he or she has gotten their grubby germs under the sneeze guards.

3. They look at your food
Now I'm sure that adults look at other people's food, but they do it in a way that's not so in your face.When I'm getting food, I don't want someone leaning over and looking at my plate. Apparently getting their germs under the sneeze guard wasn't enough, now they have to directly put their germs into your food.

What a child normally has on their hands

4. They make a mess of the utensils
Young children can't reach for the tongs or scoops for food sometimes. However, they'll try their hardest to grab them regardless. In the process of trying to grab the utensils they'll knock off other utensils or get food on their clothes or get their clothes on the food.

A typical child

With the grievances I've listed, do I believe that young children should be allowed at buffets? Of course they should. They should just never be allowed to get out of their seat without an accompanying adult. And I mean a REAL accompanying adult that keeps an eye on them and keeps them in check. Not some older sibling who the parents send because they're too busy stuffing their maws with crab legs. You know what, screw the kids, you worked hard to raise them this far. If your child asks you to go to the buffet, you tell them to wait until you're good and ready. Remember, you're the boss, not them. Trust me, I'm an excellent teacher.

So to recap, I don't ever want to see:
Running around here:

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