Smarties at the bottom of my bag

Next Saturday is Halloween, and I thought it'd only be fitting for me to do at least one entry about a Halloween candy that shows up every year. On good years I'd sometimes get a house that had Twix. On bad years I'd get a lot of White Rabbit candy. I'm sure some people liked White Rabbit candy, not me. You can eat the wax paper outside? Not my thing. White Rabbit candies are like bad, non-chocolate Tootsie Rolls in my estimation.

Anyway, looking back, the one candy I could always count on getting a lot of were Smarties. These American Smarties mind you, not those foreign Smarties that are really just disc shaped M&M's:


Look at those jerks, using grams and foreign words.

After the dust had settled and my candy bag was almost finished, I would find countless rolls of Smarties. Looking back, I don't think I gave them enough respect. I would look at them and think, "Great..." but after all the terrible candies I've been through, I can say that I could have gotten some really bad candy. Smarties aren't something I'd look forward to getting mind you, but it's not something I'd throw away (looking at you hard fruit candies). One could argue that they crumble in your mouth like chalk, but at least they have a pleasant flavor. The problem I think I had with them was that they'd be flavorless if you waited for them to melt in your mouth. M&M's American Smarties are not.

As Halloween quickly approaches, I think I'll have a few more posts about Halloween thoughts and memories (Hershey's Cookies n Mint anyone?) Stay tuned!

Much like getting my Facebook account stolen, Violet Mints suck

Before getting to the candy, I must state that I awoke to a very unwelcome text message stating that someone had taken over my Facebook account. Apparently the perpetrator who was impersonating me claimed that I had been mugged and that I needed money in order to get out of the United Kingdom:

5:14amStephen
am in a deep shit at the moment

5:15am x
why
im online D:

what happened

5:16amStephen
i went to visit a resort in uk,unfortunately for me i got mugged at gun point

5:16am x
oh no!
yuoer int eh UK?

5:16amStephen
it was a brutal expoerience
all cash credit card were taking off me

5:17am x
..when did you go to the UK

5:18amStephen
will brief you in full as soon as i return
really need your help at the moment

5:18am x
sure hwat is it

5:19amStephen
my flight leaves in 3 hours,but am having problem settling the hotel bills,need you to loan me few bucks so i can sort the hotel bills and get a cab to the airport
will def refund you as soon as i return tomorrow

5:19am x
i think ur facebook is hacked

Those of you that regularly IM me over AIM or read my messages, wall posts, etc. on Facebook may be full aware that I am a stickler for good grammar, and if not, for proper spelling and capitalization. If I sent a message with a typo, especially while chatting or IMing, I quickly follow it up with an asterisk (this thing *) with the correct spelling or word.

Don't be alarmed because I am not stranded in the United Kingdom, nor was I ever mugged at gunpoint at a resort there. I think there are more violent crimes involving knives than guns over there anyway, due to their gun control laws. What followed was my original Facebook account getting disabled and the Facebook security team telling me that I could re-activate my account if I answered the security question. The question was, "What was the name of your first stuffed animal?" and frankly I don't think I ever set up one of those questions. If I did, it was probably because this question was on the first on the list or the most convenient to click on. Regardless, I gave up and decided to make a new Facebook.

Anyway, back to lighter, but equally as disgusting, matters. I'm not sure if everyone here has access to C. Howard's (which I initially pronounced Chowards) Violet Mints because I've only seen them at two candy shops. Seeing them in one candy shop is reason enough for alarm. These mints rank up there with some of the worst candy I've ever had. Violet Mints are like the American Smarties' disgusting cousin; they're just as crumbly and they are far worse. A few minutes before writing this entry, I decided to look them up on Wikipedia, and Wikipedia reaffirmed what my friend and I had said, Violet Mints are soap candy. If someone were to take Irish Spring or Dove and decide to make a candy with that flavor this is what they'd get. C. Howard's claims that these are Violet flavored mints, but it may as well just say Lever 2000 flavored.

Smell is an integral part of the tasting experience. For instance, the one time I've had stinky tofu it didn't taste bad, but if you opened your nostrils and took a big whiff it would have made you think twice. Likewise let's take fried pork intestines. This dish is very rich and unctuous (thanks to Anthony Bourdain for using that word so much) flavor. However, it has a very pungent odor that I'm sure would detract some people from even touching the dish. The same goes for candy. You can't have candy that smells like this and expect to enjoy it. I eat mints to get bad flavors or smells out of my mouth, not to make me find another mint to replace the flavor of what I just ate. Like I've said before, they are like American Smarties because they have all the qualities of their more appetizing counterparts, except they have a very off-putting smell that makes it seem like you're eating soap candy. This is what makes certain jelly beans disgusting by the way, which I may or may not get to later. I don't do promises.

Let's keep on rolling while I still have ideas

Alright I just thought of something, cinnamon gum. Sugar-free cinnamon gum to be specific. Let's talk about it.

Ah yes, Big Red, the cinnamon flavored gum that every person is first introduced to. Big Red is undoubtedly the king of cinnamon gum. However, like its brothers Juicy Fruit and Double Mint Gum, Big Red has yet to have a sugar-free version of it. Another thing that Big Red has going against it is the fact that, again like its brothers, it starts out strong but the flavor fades rather quickly. It's like watching a movie with a great intro, a mediocre middle, and a bland, chewy end.

So let's get on to the sugar-free varieties:
Orbit was probably my favorite brand of gum not too long ago, but something changed. I'll say it was the packaging. However, this post is about Cinnamon Orbit in particular. So let's start with the positives. It's a cinnamon gum. That's about all I got to say about the positives. The negatives, well, I wouldn't say are really all that negative. It starts off subtle and stay subtle throughout. Unlike that jerk Big Red, there are no promises of intense flavor or anything of that sort. Instead it starts out slow and keeps that same subtle flavor throughout. This gum is like the tortoise in "The Tortoise and The Hare"; it's roll is slow, but it keeps on rolling.
Trident, while not my favorite brand of gum, actually surprised me with their cinnamon gum. When I got this gum for $1.50 for two at Safeway, it only made things that much better. The scent of the gum is quite unique when compared to other cinnamon gums. The scent is a much sweeter scent and the flavor is pleasant, but not great by any stretch of the imagination. The flavor starts out with a nice, sweet flavor and then transitions well as it loses flavor. Something that hurts this gum is the size of the pieces are quite small. Because of this, the pieces of gum tend to lose flavor faster than other brands of gum.

Despite the box saying "Spicy Cinnamon", don't be fooled, this gum is anything but Spicy. A problem I've always had with Dentyne is that they always use this kind of packaging. On occasion I've crushed pieces of gum or popped them into oblivion and have never been able to find them ever again. If you chew the recommended two piece serving Dentyne is alright. It has a nice shell, unlike the other gums, and it has a nice flavor to it. However, I don't remember being able to blow bubbles with it very well. A minor gripe, but that indicates that the gum is a bit too tough or rubbery for my liking. I think Dentyne has finally stepped up their game and made the flavor last longer than it used to. Despite its texture and packaging, I wouldn't mind buying Dentyne "Spicy Cinnamon" again.



Ah, arguably my favorite of the cinnamon gums. Stride and Extra are fighting over my heart as my favorite gum brands. With Stride "Uber Bubble" and Extra "Sweet Watermelon", I just don't know what my favorite gum is anymore. And while all this is happening, Trident decides it wants in on the action and puts out Trident "Layers", "Green Apple + Golden Pineapple", quickly becoming a favorite. Stride "Sweet Cinnamon" is an example of how you do things. Its smell is undoubtedly cinnamon and its flavor is very good. The flavor lasts longer than other gums and the cinnamon smell sticks with you long after the flavor is gone so you know that you're not eating a wad of paper. The texture holds up well after long hours of chewing, unlike Extra which tends to turn overly soft after long periods of chewing.

While Stride "Sweet Cinnamon" would be my top choice if I were to pick a sugar-free cinnamon gum, it would be hard to rank the rest. They all have their pros and cons, so based on what I have put forward you can make your decision. Now let me tell you about the absolute WORST SUGAR-FREE CINNAMON GUM I HAVE EVER HAD. Well, it seems as if the gum I'm referring to doesn't have its picture on Google Image Search, or rather one I'd want to use, I'll just tell you what it is. Starbuck's Sugar-Free Cinnamon Gum is bar none, the worst cinnamon gum I've ever had. The smell isn't the typical cinnamon we're all used to, it's a minty cinnamon. Think about it, minty cinnamon. The pieces are...round discs that aren't crunchy, they're just hard. The flavor isn't right at all. It's like someone put peppermint gum in the tins and sprinkled cinnamon over the gum. Also it is BY FAR the most expensive gum, coming at over $2 for a tin. The gum is bad, but the tin is nice...until you realize you can't fit ANYTHING in that thing. You're paying $2 to be trendy I guess.

Blog #1: Baby Ruth, why?

Sorry to start off this blog with a downer, but this is what inspired me to write this blog. Those of you that know me well, know that I love food in general, but that I also like candy very much. So I was sitting around one day and I was reading an issue of FLEX magazine. In it there was a part where former Mr. Olympia, Dexter Jackson, gave his thoughts on what candy he liked. One of the bullet points read, "Baby Ruth sucks." and I was thinking, "I agree with this man."

I can't imagine a candy bar that I've disliked as much as the Baby Ruth. Hell, Paydays, which I used to think were terrible, have grown on me. Baby Ruth seems like it has all the elements to be a winner. As from my own experience of eating it, from reading the wrapper, and from Wikipedia, Baby Ruth consists of chocolate, peanuts, caramel, and nougat. You know what else has all those things? Snickers, but I actually like Snickers. Where in the process did the Nestle go wrong? It's like if you told two chefs to make a particular dish, you gave them the exact same ingredients, and you gave them the same kitchen appliance. You know what happened? One of them gave you the dish done perfectly, and one of them went off in a corner and started diddling themselves (Snickers is the one that did it perfectly by the way).

Let's explore where Baby Ruth goes wrong. For one, the peanuts are far too pronounced. Within a Snickers bar the peanuts are subtle and the flow well with the rest of the bar. In a Baby Ruth they're like bumps on a what could have been a delicious candy bar. The peanuts don't even add any flavor. In a Baby Ruth they're the candy bar equivalent of one of my least favorite foods, water chestnuts. They're there for texture purposes only, and it's like chewing pebbles with no reward. If you're going to have peanuts that are that pronounced in a candy bar, please have the decency to flavor them at least.

It can't be just the fault of the peanuts though; some candy bars, like Pay Day are just salted peanuts and caramel. Let's take a look at another candy bar, Mr. Goodbar. A Halloween favorite of my brother, Mr. Goodbar is just peanuts and chocolate. Despite being so simple, it manages to be a delicious part of the Hershey collection. In a Baby Ruth the chocolate seems like an afterthought. It's as if they were trying to make Paydays and they realized that the peanuts were unsalted so they lightly coated it with chocolate. No way Kimosabe. When I eat a candy bar that has chocolate I want the chocolate to be a key component of the candy bar. I don't want to eat a candy bar with chocolate on it and think, "Oh, there's chocolate..." Same goes for the nougat.

Despite listing the faults of the Baby Ruth candy bar, words can't truly express the disappointment I have when I see or even think of a Baby Ruth. It's the equivalent of drafting a highly coveted player, with all his silver wrapping and false promises on the wrapper, as your first pick and then he turns out to be a dud. I think it could also be comparable to Edward James Olmos' character in "Stand And Deliver". Let me tell you something, as "Stand And Deliver" has taught us, you can teach innercity kids calculus, but you can't teach a candy bar how to taste good. I can't imagine why this candy bar is more prevalent than Whatchamacallits, Mr. Goodbars, or even Krackel. I'm going to say that Krackel doesn't get as much attention because it's the ricier enemy of a Nestle Crunch Bar. So when you go out and buy candy for Halloween, if you really want them to take only one or play a cruel joke on them, get them fun-sized Baby Ruths. And for kids, if one person in your Trick or Treating group really likes Baby Ruth, you know who to shun for the rest of the night.